Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. In The Name of Allah The Most Gracious and the Most Merciful. Salam Ramadhan to all readers :)
The last time I updated my blog was during April. Tak ada lah lama sangat tinggalkan blog.
I have to admit yang ada masa that I just want to ditch this blog. Lots of things that I need to focus on. Classes, exam, Quizzes. Lagi lagi dengan bermulanya semester baru ni. Malas nya Ya Allah. TT.TT
Then, I heard some people saying that Blog is not relevant these days. Sedih jugaklah.
But then, I realized kalau bukan dekat sini aku nak membebel dekat mana lagi?
Maka bertahanlah ye. Selagi aku rasa aku nak membebel, selagi tu blog ni wujud.
Recently, some things happened to me. It is a bit private for me to story and tell.
But the main realization that hit me hard was that I'm lacking in many things. And the vital role of Usrah and Tarbiyyah in my life. I mean dalam mana mana muslim's life pun.
Since that thing happened, I thought a lot about Usrah and Tarbiyyah. Dan Dakwah.
Banyak benda sebenarnya yang sedarkan aku.
Lots. Contohnya, betapa ceteknya ilmu aku.
Dan betapa lalainya aku selama ni.
I compare myself with others and the realization that hits me hard was I am nothing compared to them.
This is where Tarbiyyah and Usrah play the role in my life.
I had talked about Usrah and Tarbiyyah in this blog dulu.
But I decided that I want to talk about it again.
Tarbiyyah means didikan. And Usrah is one of the way of Tarbiyyah. Faham dok. Ada beza ye anak anak. Usrah itu maksud dia keluarga.
Before this I just know that Dakwah, Tarbiyyah. Benda yang nak sama tapi lain.
Tapi sebenarnya dua benda tu benda yang lain.
Kahkahkah. Tu lah. Masa ustazah duk mengajar dulu, tidur je reti.
There were many times that people asked me. How Usrah changes my life?
And Why did I joined Usrah? Soalan tu macam soalan common. Tapi masih tak ada skema jawapan. Ingat ni soalan exam nak ada skema jawapan?
I have to admit, until now. I don't know what had changed within me because of usrah sebab duk join benda ni dari masa sekolah. Except that I found friends that I can laugh and cry with. And I found siblings but with different mother and father. I could never exchange them with anything. To remind you again. Usrah is family. And we could never exchange family with anything.
Dulu, masa sekolah masuk usrah sebab mandatori. But when I reach 18, I realized that I had never try to explore myself. Masa dekat UiTM dulu. Punya lah rindu nak berusrah.
Padahal masa sekolah dulu, punya lah gigih cari jalan nak ponteng. Hahaha.
Maahadians should know this.
And I thought to myself. Mungkin kalau aku join usrah, I could find myself. Pendek kata, misi cari diri. Cliche.
And bila masuk UNITEN dulu, the first person that I meet is Kak Nabilah. Also an ex-Maahadians.
Dia lah yang kata dekat UNITEN ada Usrah. Tapi bawah nama lain, Smart Group.
Aku masuk masih dengan sebab sama. Nak cari diri. And nak faham tentang diri.
There were times that I feels like I am lacking in everything. Especially after that things happened. And I consult with my Naqibah. I have two Naqibahs which are Kak Dayah and Nady. Gua terpaksa tabik lah dekat Naqibah-Naqibah gua sebab sabar melayan anak buah nya ini. Ihiks.
That time I feels like I am not eligible for things that I have right now. Benda apa, Rahsia. Muahaha.
Tapi ayat Nady yang buat gua sentap serta kepala macam terhantuk kat diniding is that.
Kita tak mampu buat semua , Tapi Jangan Tinggal kan semua.
I have confidence issue in some things. And I hate that.
The feeling of kau tak layak. You are nothing. That is hurt.
That time I want to leave everything. Even this blog.
I can't be a coward. Just because I can't do everything, I want to leave everything.
Luckily, I have my Naqibah to hantuk kepala gua balik. Biar sedar balik. HAHA.
I should talk about Usrah more. But melencong ke arah history gua pulak. Maaf.
Nama lagi membebel. Mihmihmihmih.
What I want to point out is that. I don't know what had changed within me because of usrah. But I could feel something. Benda apa. Biarlah rahsia aku dengan Dia.
Before I reach 18 dulu, I had always memperkecilkan Usrah itu. Tapi sekarang, I'm just too attached on my usrah.
And I realized, one of the way nak menangkan Islam is through Tarbiyyah.
And one of the way to tarbiyyah myself is through Usrah.
Through Usrah. I found a lot of people.
I'm not saying that I had found myself and the answer for my questions through usrah. I am still in a way to rediscover myself. And usrah is one of my way or what people say ikhtiar. I did not found them YET. But I will. soon.
To the people who does not know what is Usrah. I suggest you. No. Not suggest. But urge you to try and commiting on Usrah.
You will know why I said like this. Mungkin terjumpa jodoh sekali dalam Usrah. Kahkahkahkah. No. I'm just kidding. But, we do not know. Ihiks. Miang.
Pasal kenapa aku kaitkan kemenangan Islam dengan Usrah, nanti aku cerita balik.
But do know that to make Islam win is not an easy task. And Usrah is one of the small steps that we could take to make Islam win.
I don't want to talk about Daie' and Madu' Yet. Nanti confuse. Ihiks. Baiklah anak anak.