Still trying to be a great Muslimah.
Will update this blog someday.
:)
Because He knows what best for us.

June 22, 2015

Kerana Ia Usrah



Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. In The Name of Allah The Most Gracious and the Most Merciful. Salam Ramadhan to all readers :)

The last time I updated my blog was during April. Tak ada lah lama sangat tinggalkan blog.
I have to admit yang ada masa that I just want to ditch this blog. Lots of things that I need to focus on. Classes, exam, Quizzes. Lagi lagi dengan bermulanya semester baru ni. Malas nya Ya Allah. TT.TT
Then, I heard some people saying that Blog is not relevant these days. Sedih jugaklah.
But then, I realized kalau bukan dekat sini aku nak membebel dekat mana lagi?
Maka bertahanlah ye. Selagi aku rasa aku nak membebel, selagi tu blog ni wujud.

Recently, some things happened to me. It is a bit private for me to story and tell.
But the main realization that hit me hard was that I'm lacking in many things. And the vital role of Usrah and Tarbiyyah in my life. I mean dalam mana mana muslim's life pun.

Since that thing happened, I thought a lot about Usrah and Tarbiyyah. Dan Dakwah.
Banyak benda sebenarnya yang sedarkan aku.
Lots. Contohnya, betapa ceteknya ilmu aku.
Dan betapa lalainya aku selama ni.
I compare myself with others and the realization that hits me hard was I am nothing compared to them.

This is where Tarbiyyah and Usrah play the role in my life.



I had talked about Usrah and Tarbiyyah in this blog dulu.
But I decided that I want to talk about it again.

Tarbiyyah means didikan. And Usrah is one of the way of Tarbiyyah. Faham dok. Ada beza ye anak anak. Usrah itu maksud dia keluarga.
Before this I just know that Dakwah, Tarbiyyah. Benda yang nak sama tapi lain.
Tapi sebenarnya dua benda tu benda yang lain. 
Kahkahkah. Tu lah. Masa ustazah duk mengajar dulu, tidur je reti.

There were many times that people asked me. How Usrah changes my life?
And Why did I joined Usrah? Soalan tu macam soalan common. Tapi masih tak ada skema jawapan. Ingat ni soalan exam nak ada skema jawapan?

I have to admit, until now. I don't know what had changed within me because of usrah sebab duk join benda ni dari masa sekolah. Except that I found friends that I can laugh and cry with. And I found siblings but with different mother and father. I could never exchange them with anything. To remind you again. Usrah is family. And we could never exchange family with anything.

Dulu, masa sekolah masuk usrah sebab mandatori. But when I reach 18, I realized that I had never try to explore myself. Masa dekat UiTM dulu. Punya lah rindu nak berusrah. 
Padahal masa sekolah dulu, punya lah gigih cari jalan nak ponteng. Hahaha.
Maahadians should know this.
And I thought to myself. Mungkin kalau aku join usrah, I could find myself. Pendek kata, misi cari diri. Cliche.

And bila masuk UNITEN dulu, the first person that I meet is Kak Nabilah. Also an ex-Maahadians.
Dia lah yang kata dekat UNITEN ada Usrah. Tapi bawah nama lain, Smart Group.
Aku masuk masih dengan sebab sama. Nak cari diri. And nak faham tentang diri.



There were times that I feels like I am lacking in everything. Especially after that things happened. And I consult with my Naqibah. I have two Naqibahs which are Kak Dayah and Nady. Gua terpaksa tabik lah dekat Naqibah-Naqibah gua sebab sabar melayan anak buah nya ini. Ihiks.
That time I feels like I am not eligible for things that I have right now. Benda apa, Rahsia. Muahaha.
Tapi ayat Nady yang buat gua sentap serta kepala macam terhantuk kat diniding is that.

Kita tak mampu buat semua , Tapi Jangan Tinggal kan semua.


I have confidence issue in some things. And I hate that.
The feeling of kau tak layak. You are nothing. That is hurt.
That time I want to leave everything. Even this blog.
Tapi betullah. 

I can't be a coward. Just because I can't do everything, I want to leave everything.

Luckily, I have my Naqibah to hantuk kepala gua balik. Biar sedar balik. HAHA.

I should talk about Usrah more. But melencong ke arah history gua pulak. Maaf.
Nama lagi membebel. Mihmihmihmih.

What I want to point out is that. I don't know what had changed within me because of usrah. But I could feel something. Benda apa. Biarlah rahsia aku dengan Dia.
Before I reach 18 dulu, I had always memperkecilkan Usrah itu. Tapi sekarang, I'm just too attached on my usrah.
And I realized, one of the way nak menangkan Islam is through Tarbiyyah.
And one of the way to tarbiyyah myself is through Usrah.

Through Usrah. I found a lot of people. 
I'm not saying that I had found myself and the answer for my questions through usrah. I am still in a way to rediscover myself. And usrah is one of my way or what people say ikhtiar. I did not found them YET. But I will. soon.

To the people who does not know what is Usrah. I suggest you. No. Not suggest. But urge you to try and commiting on Usrah.
You will know why I said like this. Mungkin terjumpa jodoh sekali dalam Usrah. Kahkahkahkah. No. I'm just kidding. But, we do not know. Ihiks. Miang.

Pasal kenapa aku kaitkan kemenangan Islam dengan Usrah, nanti aku cerita balik.
But do know that to make Islam win is not an easy task. And Usrah is one of the small steps that we could take to make Islam win.

I don't want to talk about Daie' and Madu' Yet. Nanti confuse. Ihiks. Baiklah anak anak.
Gua pi dulu. 
Till then, Toodles. Bye. :)
Assalamualaikum. 


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April 28, 2015

He Knows Best

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. In The Name of Allah The Most Gracious and the Most Merciful. Salam to all readers :)

Korang tahu tak? Dulu aku selalu tertanya tanya.
Awat lah jalan hidup aku tak smooth macam kawan kawan aku yang lain.
Cukup Parents nak tengok diorang membesar.
Masuk IPTA pun senang. 
Aku pulak. Ish ish ish.

That time. Err. Always. If I had faced any difficulties in life, mesti ada yang cakap.

"Takpe Wa. Sabar kay. He Knows What Best for you."

Dan banyak. My previous entry talk on this. On being patient. Being strong.
Because of why? Because Allah knows best. Simple nye jawapan.

Kadang kadang bila orang bagi jawapan macam tu. Rasa nak fire balik pun ada. Ye Idok?
Macam lah dia tahu kesusahan yang kita alami. Duk suruh sabar lah. Be Strong lah. Eh eh eh.

O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.  2:153

Baiklah. Asyik duk cakap benda ni boring jugak.
Lemme tell you my experience. I want to explain why He knows Best. Like the best lah!

Dulu. Masa kena reject IPTA, honestly. Ada sikit sebanyak aku salahkan pihak UiTM sebab buat silap dekat result aku.
And I was devastated.

Rasa masa tu macam membazir je aku masuk Asasi Undang Undang setahun. Cuba lah kalau aku masuk matrik, takde nye jadi macam ni. Takdenya ada kes silap letak grade. Takdenya kes silap buat aku tak datang masa exam dalam slip exam. 
Setahun kot. Aku harap dengan asasi boleh jadi tiket untuk masuk IPTA.
Mudahnya harapan.

Tiba tiba sebab kes tu, punah harapan makk. Tsk Tsk.

Dan bila dapat UNITEN, sebenarnya I was not excited. Langsung tak. 
I don't feel as excited as my friends yang masuk IPTA. Air mata. Takyah cakap. Macam Air Terjun Gunung Stong. Eh. Over.

Masa tu, satu ayat je yang buat aku kuat.

 '...and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.' (Surah Baqarah: 216)

Tu je yang buat aku kuat. Over ah pulak kata aku kuat. I was not. 
That Quran verse did make me strong. In fact, it is my favourite verse of Quran.

At that time, I didn't know what will happen to me dekat UNITEN. Kena buli ke, kena reject lagi ke, result menjunam ke, takleh survive ke. I didn't know. Dah lah dah lama tinggal mathematic. Blergh.

I was just like, follow the flow. Acah.



By the time I was in the middle of my first semester in UNITEN.
I realized something. I realized why did Allah sends me to UiTM first then baru lah melencong pi UNITEN.
I realized the reasons why did Allah sends me to Asasi Law first tapi last pi Business Management. Jauh. I know.

That time, I realized that my habit in study had changed. 
My confidence level had rose. And my personality, ada sikit berubah.

Masa mid semester, ramai kawan kawan aku duk complain. Penat lah dengan Jadual UNITEN. But then, I feel that I can adjust it to my comfort.
Sebab dulu masa asasi terbiasa kelas start 8 a.m sampai 6 p.m. Straight. TT.TT
Jadual UNITEN sangat flexible. Bagi aku lah. Sebab boleh balik berehat masa ada senggang antara kelas. hehe.

My friends complaint yang 6 subjects for 4 month is not sooo cool.
But during my asasian, I have to survive 8 subjects untuk 4 bulan. So, 6 subjects in 4 months was just fine to me.

And my confidence level to talk in front of people had rose.
I am not the people yang fluent tahap petala ke lapan bila speaking.
Grammar berterabur terang tang tang.
But during my asasi, I was taught to ignore that. And just talk when I feel it is necessary to talk. For example, during class ke. Depan madam ke. 
Dulu, I was scared nak tanya soalan dekat lecturers during classes. Takut di label sebagai tak berapa pandai. Haha. Lemas jugak otak aku dulu.

There are lots of things that I perasan yang berubah.

Then, aku betul betul betul realize. Haa. 3 kali terus aku bagi.
That rejection that I faced before this was utterly dissapointing.
But then. Allah knows the best. He re-direct me to UNITEN.
He re-direct me to the right path. 
Cheesy nye rasa. But heck. That's the truth.

Lambat jugak nak bagi aku sedar tu. Mungkin banyak sangat makan maggi. Mihmihmih.

Pernah Rasulullah ditanya,

Ya Rasulullah, siapakah yang paling keras mendapatkan ujian? Baginda menjawab: Para Nabi dan
pengikut-pengikutnya. Seseorang itu akan diuji sesuai dengan kadar agama, jika kadar beragamanya kuat maka ujiannya semakin keras. Jika kadar beragamanya lemah maka dia diuji sesuai dengan kadar agamanya. Seorang hamba akan senatiasa diuji sampai dia akan dibiarkan berjalan di muka bumi tanpa membawa dosa kesalahan. 
– Hadis riwayat Imam al-Tirmidzi (no: 2322)

Tiada dosa hoii. Tiada dosa. Siapa tak nak?
To my friends who are in some difficulties or hardship, *siapa je tak. -.-
Have Faith in Him. He is the best planner after all. And the one who believes in Him will get the rewards at the end of the day.
Sebab Allah tu Pencipta kita. Confirm confirm lah Pencipta lebih tahu tentang apa yang diciptaNya. Ye dok?

And the one yang diuji oleh Allah ni sebenarnya the one yang Allah sayang. :)
Cuba belek balik sirah sirah Nabi dan Rasul. Ada ke Nabi atau Rasul yang tak pernah diuji olehNya? Tak ada kan.
So, bergembiralah wahai Sahabat. Because we are the one yang Allah sayang. Because at the end of the day, there would be something happy await us. :)

Till then, Toodles. Good bye.
Assalamualaikum. :)



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April 4, 2015

Mumbling

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. In The Name of Allah The Most Gracious and the Most Merciful. Salam to all readers :)

Ya Tuhan. I lost count on how long I did not visit this blog.
Oh yes. I am quite a bit lazy and busy. And I'd been having Idea blocking on for how long I don't remember. --'

There are lots of thing that happened during months I didn't update this blog.
I get through my first sem, I became aunt to my first cutie niece,
and more importantly, I'm getting gemok dan comel. Miahahahaha. Abaikan yang comel tu.

Alhamdulillah. I am fine and healthy. 
Really. Aku berterima kasih to the one yang hantar message tanya pasal blog ni.
I don't really think that someone had been reading this blog.
Sebab all of the things in this blog is about my thought.

Bukannya orang rajin sangat pun nak baca fikiran orang lain.
So, Thank you. :)





Recently, I'd been thinking a lot about my personality.
Some had been saying that I'd changed. They said that I'd changed from the time I'd been in UiTM and I am in UNITEN.
So, banyak jugak lah aku fikir. Tang mana berubah entah lah. Nak kata semakin comel, yang tu tak boleh dinafikan. Tapi kalau personaliti, entah lah. Mungkin semakin ayu mungkin. Atau semakin lembut. Wakakakakaka. 

I have to admit that I am happier in Muadzam compared to the time when I'm in Shah Alam.
It isn't because of the people or the place or so whatever.
It is because of myself. Heh.

During the time I was in Shah Alam, I was not being me. 
I have the thought that I am wearing tudung besar, jubah. So, I have to act accordingly. People had been assuming me as alim, warak, ayu, lembut, dan sebagainya yang sememangnya bukan aku.
So due to that, I've been trying to achieve their expectation. Ending up, I was not being me and I had become an unhappy monster who kept blaming someone else for my unhapiness.

So, I decided that I would stop being someone else and just being me.
I would stop being that hypocrisy monster.
Madam Psycho aku pernah cakap. Sakit bila kita tahan dari jadi diri kita.
Just to fit in a society, we would trying hard to be like them. Diri kita yang sebenar tu kita buang tasik. So, where is the uniqueness of us?

I am that loud person who will speak up for everything that I do think it is necessary to be spoken out.
I am that person who is not alim, warak and I am in a middle of learning of everything. Including Islam thing. :)
I am that person who is not ayu langsung, brutal bagai gengster, and kelembutan tu not defining me.
I am that same person from the time I was 16. 

Why I am talking about this?
There are people who judged me. And often, I ignored them. Awal awal lagi aku dah buang mereka ke bulan.
There are people who told me that my personality doesn't define for how I am wearing. 
I don't know what they mean by that.
Apa? Adakah perlu untuk kami perempuan yang bertudung besar ni duduk senyap je, bajet cover ayu, not talking to anyone, and being friend with the one yang pakaian sama macam kami? Is that it?
How shallow you are.

We, human. Does not defined by how we wear. Okay maybe a little.
But, you can't halo effect-ing people and judging them with what they wear.
We are human. We make mistakes. Lots of mistakes.
If you want to tell people that they are making mistakes. Then tell them that they are making mistakes because of them. And don't relate that to what they wear or whatever. That is low and judgemental.



I don't know. This issue had been problems for how many years I didn't remember.
Do you know why some people are scared to change? 
Because there are people who judged people like this exist in this world.

Do not make this world more complicated as it is right now.
Jom tukar mind set. Stop being judgemental. 
And stop being someone yang jadi batu penghalang untuk orang berubah. 

I am really mumbling right now.
Apa yang aku cakap ni? Lain yang aku aim nak cakap. Lain yang terkeluar. -.-'

Next time. We will see again. I will try to update as much as possible.
But not soon. Not later. Hahahaha 

Assalamualaikum. Toodles. :)

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October 31, 2014

The Unexpected Journey


Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. In The Name of Allah The Most Gracious and the Most Merciful. Salam to all readers :)

 I know I know that it'd been a long and long time since the last time I updated my blog.
I'm sorry to those yang tanya and pm'ed me about this blog.
Jujur. I never forgot about this blog.
It was just every time I decided that I want to update this, ada saja halangan.
*Alasan je sebenarnya. hahaha. Actually, perangai malas gua tak nak hilang.
Dah sental 50 kali, still tak nak hilang. Sadis.
 
There are lots and lots of things that happened in my life recently.
And I don't really know how to start and where to start.
Okay. Gimme time nak calm down. Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

This entry might be quite long since it's been a long long time since I updated my blog. Just bear it.

To those yang tanya apa khabar aku. 
Alhamdulillah. I am living well dan semakin sihat. I mean gemok. TT.TT Bila nak kurus entah. Tak sedar sedar yang badan tu dah terlebih gemok. TT.TT

To those yang baca previous entry and a friend of my facebook, maybe you had knew about my UPU.
That something was wrong with my semester 2 's foundation result. And somehow it affect my UPU.

To shorten the story. I didn't get any tawaran from IPTA.
That time, everyone else from my Foundation and my secondary school keeps updating me through their facebook. What they get, where they have to go. *senyum pahit.
At that time, banyak sungguh message yang masuk. Tak kira lah whatsapp ke, Facebook ke.
Semua tanya soalan sama. Wawa dapat mana. Ending up banyak yang kena ignore sebab tak tahu nak reply apa.
I still remember, that that night, I called Ilya and cried to her. 

I was on the verge nak give up everything. I'd never expect me to not getting into any IPTA.
From the early since I finished my foundation in UiTM, I planned to continue my study in Bachelor of Business Administration dekat UiTM sendiri.
Tu pun lepas habis cakap dengan umi and telling her that I was never made for law.
But then, when it happened like that, I have no clue what would happen to me. Masa tu lahh.



That whole week after UPU's result, I called every department of UiTM to figure out my problem. Because before this, I had read an entry from some senior yang lepasan Asasi Law KPTM dekat UiTM, and her case was just like me. Cumanya, tolak bab tersilap pasal result tu je lah.
Tapi ending up, I didn't get the answer that I want  which was why did I didn't get any tawaran.
I applied for rayuan. And I still get the same answer which is no. I even went to UiTM Shah Alam, and no definite answer for me.

After that, Umi cadangkan masuk IPTS. Umi suruh isi semua application untuk IPTS yang available.
UNISEL, MMU, MSU, UNIKL, and UNITEN.
That time, I had some uneasiness about IPTS. Because you knew about IPTS kan. 
Their fees are quite expensive. And for the first sem, kena tanggung sendiri.
My umi is a single parent. And I still have my younger siblings 3 orang. Can you imagine it?
But Umi said that I have no other choices unless that I want to wait for March's Admission.
So then I applied for every IPTS yang available. But my main choices was MMU and UNITEN.

To shorten the story again, *Malas nak taip banyak. Hehe
Now I am a student of UNITEN for Bachelor of Business Administration in Marketing
And I am quite happy being here. I have bunch of cool friends and kind seniors.

Frankly speaking, I had already fallen in love with Muadzam Shah after 2 weeks living here.
Err, not quite 2 weeks sebenarnya. 
Cumanya sini susah ler nak cari Aiskrim. TT.TT
I am like, I want cornetto Strawberry hoiiii. Tapi seperti biasa. Malas nak keluar pekan.

It was a long long journey to be here. Right now.
Honestly, I'd never expect to be in UNITEN. Previous University of my eldest sister, Kak Ah.



Dulu, masa sebelum minggu orientasi, I was quite sceptical about Muadzam Shah as well as UNITEN.
People kept telling me that Muadzam is really a village and doesn't have anything. And UNITEN is full with bright student.
Honestly, I didn't care about Muadzam Shah being a village and doesn't have wayang, mall, and all. I don't really like that kind of entertainment. Dulu masa duk Shah Alam pun, mana keluar sangat. Kalau pergi tengok wayang pun dengan Kak Ani.
Sejak dulu lagi berhajat nak sambung degree tempat yang jauh dari bandar. Because I really love kampung yang jauhh dari bandar. Senang nak study. 

It was just how well can I adapt in UNITEN. The people. 
What I really worried before was the people. How well can I
But then, after I came here and live here. I am absolutely in love with the people here. They are really kind like betul betul baik.
For example, last week. Lepas habis asasi. I have to get back to Kelantan balik sebab nak urus pasal MARA. So me, Kak Bie, and Mimi. Semua Kelantanese. Berpakat lah, Pergi Terminal Bas sekali. Our bus to Kelantan memang ada malam je. Tengah malam pulak tu. 11.45 malam. TT.TT

Bila sampai terminal tu dalam pukul 9.30, we were quite taken back sebab punyalah sunyi dekat pekan tu. Semua kedai macam dah tutup. Tinggal kedai makan je. Lepas makan, kami pergi lah balik dekat Terminal bas tu. Masa tu, semua macam dah tak ada. Orang orang semua dah get ready nak balik.
But there was a pakcik, mungkin yang jaga terminal tu kot. He waited for us and asked us some question pasal kitorang punya bas. He even ulang alik dari tempat dia ke tempat kitorang just because nak check pasal kitorang.
He even waited for us dekat luar tandas masa aku and kak bie masuk tandas.
That time, I was like. Ya Allah. Baiknya pakcik ni. Sangat baik. Dia tunggu kami sampai lah bas kitorang sampai.

See. That was one of the example why I did fallen in love with Muadzam Shah's people. 



I am maybe a little bit late from my friends yang dapat masuk IPTA. Ya lah. Diorang dah habis cuti mid sem dah pun. But me. Baru nak start belajar and learning to adapt.
At first, I cried a lot. And it affect most of my life. But somehow, I realized that I have lots and lots of friends and family yang tak lepas and never stopped supporting me. Umi, Along, my siblings, Ilya, Shamira, Kiera, Thoriq, Nadiah and others. 
Frankly speaking nak tulis satu satu nama, memang dok habis tulis lahh. But you all know who you are.
Just thank you. Thanks a lot. I owe a lot from all of you. Thanks for giving me strength when I was on the verge on giving up. All of you are one of the reason why I am here. Right now. :)

Maybe right now, I don't really know what Allah is planning for me. 
But I know, up there. Allah is planning something good for me. Something that I'd never expect. I know that Allah knows what is the best for me. Allah knows me the best out of everyone.

To the one yang on the verge nak give up on something sekarang macam aku dulu.
Just think about people around you. What they hoped on you. How much had they pour their efforts on you.
And think again, why did you started this at first. And how far had you go right now.
Ingat. Rainbow always comes after the rain. Just bear it for a little while. 
Walau susah macam mana pun. There is always a solution for every problems.
Keep Telling yourself. La Tahzan. Innallaha Ma'ana. 
Allah is always with you. :)

Till then. Assalamualaikum. 



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